Hello beautiful people! Sadly, I have been neglectful of my blog due to external struggles: school and college applications have your girl occupied and overwhelmed, but I’ve had way too much to discuss with you all on my mind to stay away any longer!
Anyways, today’s topic is focused on relationships and types. Background: my best friend and I were having our daily lunch table discussions, and the matter of relationships and types, qualities in which we look for in the guys we’re attracted to, came about. After describing the type of guys that I am generally drawn to: tall, skinny, and well put together, I realized that most of the guys that I have actually “talked” to or have dated, did not quite meet that description. Upon that realization, I had an epiphany that those physical characteristics that draw me in are not the factors that hold the most weight; I am more attracted to personality than physical attributes. So, although I can be quickly attracted to my “type” for his external looks, once I get to know the person and realize that their personality does not balance mine, I know that there is no solid base for the relationship to stem from.
For example, you are at a party or some form of social event, and you spot two guys (if you are a guy, then you are spotting two girls): guy A fits your “type,” while guy B is also handsome, but does not quite meet your eye (this reminds me of some form of essay analysis lol…). You are physically attracted to guy A so you approach him, but upon chatting with him, you realize that his personality is rather dull, and as you converse, you can tell that there is something missing to keep you engaged, the conversation does not quite flow. Then there’s guy B, whom upon interacting with, you realize that his personality is rather intriguing, and you find yourself in conversation eager to continue chatting with him. The obvious choice is to go with guy B, at least I hope it would be, But I have seen many cases where females (or males) choose guy A in similar scenarios. That leads me to pose the question:
How much weight does physical attributes hold for your relationships?
I would be lying if I say that those physical qualities that I previously mentioned are completely overruled by personality because those attributes still hold some weight, but my overall focus and need in a partner is one whose characteristics counter balance mine and whom I can grow with.
Through all that, I leave you with this: never succumb yourself to a partner who does not fuel your character. In my opinion, these shallow, less substantial relationships that we may find ourselves in, are a reflection of our relationship with ourselves. If you truly know yourself (another Drake reference) or have taken the time needed to be more secure and comprehensive of what you truly need in a partner, then you have an idea of the type of partners you wish to attract and can actually benefit from. Often times, insecurities and a need for acceptance and approval drive our settling for partners who we cannot grow with or who lacks the necessary qualities to challenge and provide for us, mentally and emotionally, to develop something more concrete. That is why I am such a huge advocate for not being in a rush to be in a relationship at younger ages. In my opinion, people tend to tie themselves down before they actually know themselves. I always say:
I can’t possibly expect someone else to know and understand me, when I have yet to know and understand myself!
How can I? As the years go by, individuals grow and evolve. That is why a lot of times, couples break up after high school or after one of them moves away: they are faced with a new environment, they each go through change, and are exposed to fresh outlooks on things that inevitably cause them to reconsider the relationship that they are or were in. They are not fully the same person that they were in those relationships, and are then curious to explore the new options that are now available to them. I say all this to say, if you find yourself thinking, “man I wish I had a boyfriend (I know that cuffing season is upon us lol), ask yourself why you wish that, and DO NOT settle just because the person is cute or for the sole purpose of having one.
As I was writing, the conversation kind of veered towards a different direction lol.. similar, yet different. Next time, I might just make it Part I and Part II, but I just wanted to leave this one as is.. I urge you to please join the conversation! If the topic leaves you with some questions or input, do comment! T
hank you for reading, and I hope to see you in the next blog!